Coffee shops are shared spaces. Sometimes this is the best part of coming in to work. Other times it’s the worst. It’s when things go south that conflict de-escalation becomes a vital skill to have in your back pocket. Whether you’re dealing with an upset customer, an overwhelmed coworker, or a person experiencing a mental health crisis – knowing how to best de-escalate the situation or prevent it from escalating in the first place can allow you to calmly and safely get out of the situation.

First, I want to emphasize that you should care for yourself first, your coworkers second, your customers third, and the person in an escalated state last. Don’t worry about Deeper Roots or how we’ll be perceived; we’ll be fine. We care more about you than we do about what comes from any situation. Second, whatever de-escalation tactic you employ – it’s the right decision. We won’t ever question what action you took; if everyone made it to the other side okay, it was successful. With that in mind, the first thing to ask yourself in a situation that is escalating is, “Am I the right person to handle this?” If you decide that you are, and you feel equipped, here are some tactics you can employ and some principles to keep in mind.

Principles of De-escalation

Time – we need to give the individual in a heightened state time to deal with the issue. Don’t rush them – ultimately time and space are needed.

Silence – don’t feel as though you need to be speaking constantly. Silence goes a long way toward calming someone and making them feel more comfortable.

Simple – keep your sentences short; repeat yourself often and don’t add any extra information if possible

Space – don’t approach the person too soon, or at all. We don’t want the situation to become physical; additionally, they may perceive you as a threat if you approach.

Redirect – help them steer the person toward alternate ways to resolve the situation without getting exactly what they want.

Problem Solving – help the person find solutions to the problem they are experiencing so that they can solve it themselves.

Choices – giving the person experiencing escalation choices can help resolve the situation be helping them feel more in control.

Open a Door – whether physically or otherwise, give the person a way out of the situation. 

If it doesn’t work, try something else. These aren’t necessarily fool proof solutions to a given motivator.

Finally, I want to acknowledge a few truths. First, since coffee shops are shared spaces, we need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. If someone isn’t breaking any rules or causing any problems – it’s okay if we’re a bit uncomfortable with their presence. Please note I’m speaking of someone experiencing a mental health crises or poverty – NOT someone harassing you or your customers. That is never acceptable. If a de-escalation is necessary or even a removal of a customer, it probably won’t “feel good.” A successful de-escalation means that no one was harmed and the person calmed down; we might not feel like we “won” the interaction, or that we handled it the way we wanted.

You’ll find de-escalation postvention forms in your shop binders. These aren’t meant to be checkups or reviews, but rather a way for us to debrief the situation and make sure that you’re okay both physically and emotionally. We’re also working to provide a list of local resources specific to each shop. Above all, we want you to feel safe and empowered. We’ve got your back – and please let us know how we can help moving forward.

Below is a link to our postvention form. Please note that it is not mandatory, but it can be helpful to debrief after a stressful interaction.

Postvention Form